Tony was serving a lady who asked if we stocked boomerangs.

Tony said, “they’re out of stock at present, but they WILL come back”!

This is the sort of silly ride home in Col’s car the Gurus often have! Tonight Beryl said she loved the spruce fragranced sachets we sell in our shop, and was taking some home.

Tony said “that’ll spruce you up”.

Col said “will you have Brussels spruce-ts with your evening meal, and then later put a Spruce Springsteen CD on?”

Tony joined in again with “have you seen Spruce-ster’s Millions?” Then he made a reference to “Spruce Grobbelaar, the well known goalie” and so on.

Is this just too sad for words?

It’s been misheard words day today in Guru – first Beryl stopped to talk to some elderly ladies and one of them said they liked her perfume. “It’s called Karma and I like it ‘cos it smells like Guru” Beryl said. One of the ladies looked horrified, and said “oh no it doesn’t smell like urine at all”!

The second occasion was when Beryl told Guru’s Kelly that a rep who had been in the day before said of Kelly that she had “a pretty face”, and Kelly misheard and thought the rep had said ‘a fishy face’!!!

Longtime customer was reminiscing to Beryl about the old days when Guru was in Court Arcade, and said “your mam was great.

I used to come out of the changing room wearing my own clothes which I’d bought from you weeks earlier, and she would say “you look good in that, you should buy it, so I would have to tell her I already had”!!!

Many people around here call their grandmother’s Nana so Guru stocks some birthday cards for Nana’s. We were talking about this fact and Tony told us that one of his grandmothers was known to him as ‘Nana Smith’ and the other one who was a very strange lady as ‘nutty Nana’.

Beryl said does that mean we should call you ‘Nutty Smith’? He laughed and said “no with my body the way it is “Nutty Slack”!!!

Tony told Beryl there was going to be a film on the TV called ‘The Invisible’.

Beryl said “I won’t be seeing that!”

Guru’s Beryl was serving a lady today, when the customer said “oh dear I have heartburn”, so quick as a flash Beryl produced a Remegel tablet from her pocket… The lady popped it in her mouth and exclaimed: “Oh thank you I feel so much better now, what a wonderful shop, not only do you sell people such lovely things but you cure their indigestion too!!!”

As we drove home tonight Beryl was waxing lyrical about the lovely weeping willows on the banks of the Skerne when a young bloke on a pedal bike rode under the canopy of one of them and had a wee… He thought no one would see him from the road but our Range Rover is quite high so we could.

Tony said, “oh look a toilet tree”!!!

I was telling everyone at work I’d seen a programme on TV about Pompeii, and the person narrating it commented that there were a staggering number of statues, paintings, graffiti etc., depicting phallic symbols and she wondered what the meaning of these many penis references might be? Col grinned and said “they were probably just saying “this is where the big knobs hang out’!!!

After making a couple of mistakes today Tony (who is completely bald), told us “I think I’m cracking up”. Kelly giggled and said “no Humpty Dumpty, you’re not…