Category Archives: Jokes, quotes & anecdotes

It’s said that life really is stranger than fiction.
Anyone who works in retail, hospitality, beauty, healthcare or any of the service industries where you deal with the general public on a daily basis will probably agree with that.
Just so you’ll know the kind of thing you may read here and who originated them, we’ve given them little identification tags of their own, which are as follows:
Smifffy Sez
Beryl’s Boobs
Col’s Contributions
Kelly’s Quips
Ray’s Ramblings
Guru’s Gaffe’s
Guru’s Giggles
Handy Tips
Smut Alert
Good Vibes
…and last but not least,
Memory Lane.

Guru’s Giggles: Loofah


A parcel arrived at Guru Boutique addressed to Beryl. Colin, one of the Guru lads asked her, “What’s in it?” “A loofah,” she told him. “Ah, right,” he said, “Isn’t Idris Elba in that?”

Just so no one gets caught up in this confusion, there are two images below. One is of Beryl’s LOOFAH. The other one is of Luther (played by Idris Elba).

It could only happen in Guru Boutique. 



Memory Lane: Lucky


The picture below is admittedly a bit cheesy but it puts me in mind of the wonderful bond I had with my best doggie friend, Lucky. He was a rescue dog and in a bit of a state when I first met him. I sat on the floor and put my arm around him (just as the girl in the image is doing), and that was it… We bonded and I just knew he and I were going to be friends for life. Due to his paws being in a terrible mess (from trying to tunnel his way out of the filthy locked pen where he had been kept with several other quite aggressive dogs), I had to carry him most of the way to the vets. That was no mean feat (as he was an Alsatian cross and quite large), but it was worth it as they fixed him up and he was soon physically on the mend. Mentally he took longer to heal. He never even barked for almost two years and would cower if anyone so much as raised a hand or rolled a newspaper up in his presence. Eventually, he learned to trust us and became the most lively loving dog one could imagine. We shared our lives for over fourteen happy years. I used to say he was a dog with a split personality as, because of his ordeal, when he was out on the lead he got extremely agitated when he saw other dogs – BUT when we were walking alone or when he was at home, he was nothing short of an angel and a truly fabulous member of our family.


Guru’s Giggles: Crystal gazing…


We once had a lovely Saturday girl named Caroline. One day a lady came in and announced she was a clairvoyant and could she look at our crystal balls. Caroline showed her to the glass cabinet where they were on display and the lady took them out one by one and carefully handled each in turn before suddenly crying out, “This, this is the one!” Then turning to Caroline she continued, “look carefully dear, and tell me if you can you see something in this crystal?” Caroline stared into it for a while and then declared, “Yes, I can.” Delightedly the lady asked, “What can you see?” Our honest girl replied, “I can see your shopping. It’s down there by your feet!!!”



Beryl’s Boobs: Time Slip!


A friendly customer came into Guru Boutique to buy some gifts. He got two items at £6.95 each and yet on the till I read 16.40. I turned to the Guru lads and stated, “That can’t be right, can it? How much do you make £6.95 times two, please? I make it £13.90!” Colin who had been watching in amusement said, “you haven’t rung them in yet you clot, that figure on the till is THE TIME!”


Good Vibes: Peace Man…


hippieDon’t confuse being posh, or rich or poor or anything else with having a bit of class. Class in this context is not about social standing, how you dress or what possessions you have, but about how a person conducts his or herself – and we could do with a bit more of it at all levels!!!
The most threadbare and humble amongst us often have it in bucketloads, so here’s to all the ‘class acts’ out there, whoever and wherever you are as you are much appreciated.


Good Vibes: National Tree-sures.

beautiful tree and sunset 002

We think trees are miraculous. The very finest examples of Mother Nature’s art. Some even say they have souls of their own and can sense things and feel emotion. We would like to believe so. The oldest ones have witnessed our history and are revered in Folklore. All we can really know is that they are beautiful and that many of them have grown to their present majesty over centuries.  They are high on the list of our own favourite things! Signed, the Gurus.