We got a phone call tonight just as we were leaving work. Tony picked it up, and the person on the line told him she was from the Governments work records service and said their records showed that there were people at this number who had previously worked in noisy industries, and added, “is this correct?”. With a wicked smile Tony replied, “can you speak up please, I can’t hear you”!!!
The Gurus called at a convenience store tonight to buy booze. While they were waiting in the car for Beryl (who was in the shop), Tony said to Col, “have you seen that window, it’s got nothing in it but six toilet rolls, what a sh*t display”!!!
Then he saw a lady coming out of the shop and commented “I know that person, she’s a friend of St Cuthbert’s”, meaning she helped the church with fundraising, etc. He then added, “I can hardly believe it mind, as she looks very well preserved if she’s that age”…
Beryl had everyone crying with laughter in the hospital (including herself), when trying to describe what Col had done to help someone who they had brought in because they had swallowed something that almost choked them. She was describing to the nurse what had occurred, and instead of saying the Heimlich manoever, said that Col had done the Hein Gericke movement on the patient!!! Hein Gericke of course is a brand of motorcycle clothing…
How naive is Beryl. She once asked Col’s poor dad George, who was dressed up as Guru’s Santa at the time, to deliver our Christmas card to our bank (Barlays on High Row). When he bowled in disguised like that they nearly called the police thinking it was a heist!!!
We were listening to a Christmas CD in Guru today, and Mario Lanza was singing Santo Natale, and Col said, “Shouldn’t that be Santa Claus?”
Beryl just put her reading glasses on – upside down!
Beryl tried to text okidoki to a friend, and her phone changed it to ok idiot!
This predictive text malarkey could land you in deep sh*t…
Lady in Guru asked if we still had a pack of a certain penguin Christmas card. Beryl looked for her, but the ones she found were not the ones she wanted. Then Tony found her a different pack, but they didn’t suit either, but instead of putting it back where he found it, he just dropped it at Beryl’s feet for her to pick up. “Oi, why did you do that?” Beryl asked. He cheekily replied “‘cos I thought you might like to ‘p-p-p-pick up a penguin”!!!
It was quiet in the town yesterday, and Beryl remarked to a friend that Guru’s Tony was “tearing his hair out”, then as an afterthought added “oh, but he didn’t have any hair to start with”!!!